Saturday, January 30, 2010
Julie, I'm not
Last night Nacho and I watched Julie & Julia. I knew the question was coming. And it did. Nacho wanted to know why blog doesn't make any money. Funny how he suddenly remembers I have a blog.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Fear
Tonight at the girls' school there was a seminar on teaching our children safety while still allowing them a bit of freedom. I knew I needed to attend because it's something I struggle with. Maybe I'd still be this way even if what happened to Samantha hadn't happened, but I'll never know. So we went and it was interesting.
When we picked the kids up from my mom's, Samantha was running a fever of 102. While she had reportedly eaten dinner, she hadn't moved from the couch. We brought them home, got her some medicine and put her to bed. I knew she wasn't feeling well when she didn't want to read in bed. I went back in a hour later to recheck her temperature (to make sure it was falling) and I couldn't get her to stay awake long enough to hold the thermometer under her tongue. All of a sudden I was transported back to that day. Where she was running a slight fever and I found her unresponsive. And we came minutes from losing her. I know she was exhausted tonight and it was nothing more than that, but I can't even begin to describe how it rocked me to my core. I finally made her sit up to take it - more so to make sure she could than to get a real reading. I knew she was still running a fever, although not as high as before. She laid right back down and fell asleep before I could even leave the room.
It is taking all I have to not go up there and sit and watch her sleep all night. After her seizure, we bought the sleep apnea monitor for her, but due to the size of her bed (and her age), she no longer uses it. What I wouldn't give to have it in there tonight.
I know we'll never "get over it" - regardless of how people think we should feel about it, I know that isn't possible. We move on because we have no other choice. We let go a bit because she deserves it. But get over it? Never. It's not that I don't want, but because moments like this take me right back.
And so I'm going to go to bed now because there is a chance tonight is going to be a long one for me. But before I do, I'll be stopping by her room, just to watch her breathe.
When we picked the kids up from my mom's, Samantha was running a fever of 102. While she had reportedly eaten dinner, she hadn't moved from the couch. We brought them home, got her some medicine and put her to bed. I knew she wasn't feeling well when she didn't want to read in bed. I went back in a hour later to recheck her temperature (to make sure it was falling) and I couldn't get her to stay awake long enough to hold the thermometer under her tongue. All of a sudden I was transported back to that day. Where she was running a slight fever and I found her unresponsive. And we came minutes from losing her. I know she was exhausted tonight and it was nothing more than that, but I can't even begin to describe how it rocked me to my core. I finally made her sit up to take it - more so to make sure she could than to get a real reading. I knew she was still running a fever, although not as high as before. She laid right back down and fell asleep before I could even leave the room.
It is taking all I have to not go up there and sit and watch her sleep all night. After her seizure, we bought the sleep apnea monitor for her, but due to the size of her bed (and her age), she no longer uses it. What I wouldn't give to have it in there tonight.
I know we'll never "get over it" - regardless of how people think we should feel about it, I know that isn't possible. We move on because we have no other choice. We let go a bit because she deserves it. But get over it? Never. It's not that I don't want, but because moments like this take me right back.
And so I'm going to go to bed now because there is a chance tonight is going to be a long one for me. But before I do, I'll be stopping by her room, just to watch her breathe.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Where Did You Get Your Medical Degree?
I got mine on WebMd of course, like a bunch of other mothers have.
What? It's not a real degree? Whatever. It still doesn't stop me.
But I should know better because I know I'll only freak myself out more. Repeat - nothing good can come from Googling symptoms or checking them out on WebMd.
Yesterday Nacho noticed the baby had a bruise on his outer ear. I thought he said behind his ear and I'll be honest, I didn't think too much of it because I knew he had fallen and bumped his head on a toy earlier in the day. So imagine my shock when we took Lexi to ballet today and I noticed the whole top of his ear was bruised & swollen.
Yes, it took me that long to notice it. Don't judge me - it was a long morning! Well not long exactly - as we woke up 45 minutes late because the baby turned the volume off on the alarm clock when he was playing with it last night. Only I thought he was playing with my book, so I didn't even bother to check the alarm clock. Oh, I was talking about something else.
That's right, my beautiful baby and his poor ear. I was actually ok with it all until another mother mentions the possibility of a cauliflower ear. I had heard of that, but didn't really know what it was, so when we got home off to good ole WebMd I went. Take my advice - don't look it up. It's not that horrible, but the thought of my precious, perfect baby having that forever was a bit much to me. Especially because it took so long for me to even notice the bruise.
Thank God for our doctor. Seriously! They have an "email your doctor" feature where you can email the symptoms and he'll email you back with whether they think it warrants an appointment. Recently, they even added the ability to email pictures. So I spent the next 20 minutes chasing the baby trying to get one decent picture of his ear to send. I got one. I won't call it decent. While I was making lunch, the doctor emailed me back and said the baby will be just fine and he WON'T have a cauliflower ear. He even said my picture was okay.
While I'd love to believe my days of WebMd diagnosing are over, we all know they aren't. But it should be shortened a lot by actually talking to our doctor. The real one. Not the WebMd one.
What? It's not a real degree? Whatever. It still doesn't stop me.
But I should know better because I know I'll only freak myself out more. Repeat - nothing good can come from Googling symptoms or checking them out on WebMd.
Yesterday Nacho noticed the baby had a bruise on his outer ear. I thought he said behind his ear and I'll be honest, I didn't think too much of it because I knew he had fallen and bumped his head on a toy earlier in the day. So imagine my shock when we took Lexi to ballet today and I noticed the whole top of his ear was bruised & swollen.
Yes, it took me that long to notice it. Don't judge me - it was a long morning! Well not long exactly - as we woke up 45 minutes late because the baby turned the volume off on the alarm clock when he was playing with it last night. Only I thought he was playing with my book, so I didn't even bother to check the alarm clock. Oh, I was talking about something else.
That's right, my beautiful baby and his poor ear. I was actually ok with it all until another mother mentions the possibility of a cauliflower ear. I had heard of that, but didn't really know what it was, so when we got home off to good ole WebMd I went. Take my advice - don't look it up. It's not that horrible, but the thought of my precious, perfect baby having that forever was a bit much to me. Especially because it took so long for me to even notice the bruise.
Thank God for our doctor. Seriously! They have an "email your doctor" feature where you can email the symptoms and he'll email you back with whether they think it warrants an appointment. Recently, they even added the ability to email pictures. So I spent the next 20 minutes chasing the baby trying to get one decent picture of his ear to send. I got one. I won't call it decent. While I was making lunch, the doctor emailed me back and said the baby will be just fine and he WON'T have a cauliflower ear. He even said my picture was okay.
While I'd love to believe my days of WebMd diagnosing are over, we all know they aren't. But it should be shortened a lot by actually talking to our doctor. The real one. Not the WebMd one.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Proscrastination is My Middle Name
I've got a to-do list a mile long and no motivation to do any of it. I've found much more important things to do these last few days, like play around on Facebook, change my Twitter background (why am I even on there.....I am not that interesting), read hours worth of other peoples' Disney World trip reports making me even more determined to get there. Oh and let's not forget all the time I spent today revamping the blog. BTW, what do you think? It would have gone much faster if I knew anything about Photoshop, which I didn't. But I do now, so see, I did do something today!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I've got a bunch of random thoughts floating around in my head, none of which would make for a very good post on their own, so I'm going to put them all together here. So you've been warned - this probably won't make a whole lot of sense!
Yesterday was parent watch at the girls' ballet. They both did great, but OMG Samantha is amazing. And I don't say that because she is mine. I could only hope to have the grace she does. She absolutely blew me away yesterday. While I'm bragging on her, last week her teacher told me that she is the highest level reader in the grade! She has blossomed in kindergarten and it has been so much fun to watch. Speaking of kindergarten, I registered Lu for kindergarten last week. I can't believe I'll have TWO school aged kids in just a few months.
I rarely get political on here, but way to go MA!! I am so happy to see Brown elected into Kennedy's seat. I can only hope midterm elections are as successful and we can finally get Boxer out of office here. I'm so happy to see that some of the country is beginning to feel that the "change" they so desperately wanted, isn't the "change" we needed.
I cannot believe how different our parenting style is from other peoples'. That isn't to say I think we're doing it better or that our kids are perfect because we know that isn't true. But we've raised our kids to sit at the table while they eat, that they don't jump on furniture, that they apologize when they've hurt somebody (both feelings & physical) even if it was an accident and that we always use please & thank you. I honestly thought these were givens, but I'm beginning to think we're the exception not the rule.
Today a mom friend posted on FB asking if it was normal that parents bring McDs to lunch for their kids. I'll say I didn't get any judgement from her question - it seemed a honest curiosity. But some of the responses she got came off so judgemental and it kind of shocked me. Do I think kids need McD's all the time. NOT AT ALL. Have I let my kids have it before? YES. As a matter of fact, I did take it to Sam at school last week as a surprise. She has been feeling a little left out because she's gone at school all day and her siblings are home and she feels she missing all this fun. For the record, she's not missing any fun, but I can understand her feelings. So I did something nice for her. But back the FB responses. Some people said they help out in other ways like volunteering in the classrooms, etc. And I'm sure they do. But I don't understand how that relates to the McDs stuff. Is it just explaining why they don't have lunch with their kids? I don't think they need to have lunch with their kids. I honestly find it taxing to be in a room full of that many loud, rude kids (especially when I have the little ones with me) but Sam asked me to, it makes her happy and so I do it. I also help out in her classroom, at her school parties, I'm active in the PTA and am at almost all of the PTA events, especially during the day at school. I have the time and it makes her happy I'm there. There will be a time where those things aren't true, so I take it where I can. I don't know - maybe I'm feeling defensive because I did take Sam McD's and it was said more than once that people who do that are bad mothers. However, I know that doesn't make me a bad mother. Just like not coming to have lunch with their child doesn't make somebody else a bad mother.
Hmm, the baby is walking! I tried for 4 days to get video of him doing it, but everytime he saw the camera, he'd crawl over to me to try to get it. This boy isn't stupid - he knows he can crawl way faster than he can walk. So we finally resulted to making him chase his breakfast. It worked. So in order of importance it's 1) food 2) electronics and then 3) Mom! It's a good thing he's my 3rd or I might actually be offended by that order. I do have to say I love those first unsteady baby steps.
Well that's all for now. I have to admit I like this style of posting!
Yesterday was parent watch at the girls' ballet. They both did great, but OMG Samantha is amazing. And I don't say that because she is mine. I could only hope to have the grace she does. She absolutely blew me away yesterday. While I'm bragging on her, last week her teacher told me that she is the highest level reader in the grade! She has blossomed in kindergarten and it has been so much fun to watch. Speaking of kindergarten, I registered Lu for kindergarten last week. I can't believe I'll have TWO school aged kids in just a few months.
I rarely get political on here, but way to go MA!! I am so happy to see Brown elected into Kennedy's seat. I can only hope midterm elections are as successful and we can finally get Boxer out of office here. I'm so happy to see that some of the country is beginning to feel that the "change" they so desperately wanted, isn't the "change" we needed.
I cannot believe how different our parenting style is from other peoples'. That isn't to say I think we're doing it better or that our kids are perfect because we know that isn't true. But we've raised our kids to sit at the table while they eat, that they don't jump on furniture, that they apologize when they've hurt somebody (both feelings & physical) even if it was an accident and that we always use please & thank you. I honestly thought these were givens, but I'm beginning to think we're the exception not the rule.
Today a mom friend posted on FB asking if it was normal that parents bring McDs to lunch for their kids. I'll say I didn't get any judgement from her question - it seemed a honest curiosity. But some of the responses she got came off so judgemental and it kind of shocked me. Do I think kids need McD's all the time. NOT AT ALL. Have I let my kids have it before? YES. As a matter of fact, I did take it to Sam at school last week as a surprise. She has been feeling a little left out because she's gone at school all day and her siblings are home and she feels she missing all this fun. For the record, she's not missing any fun, but I can understand her feelings. So I did something nice for her. But back the FB responses. Some people said they help out in other ways like volunteering in the classrooms, etc. And I'm sure they do. But I don't understand how that relates to the McDs stuff. Is it just explaining why they don't have lunch with their kids? I don't think they need to have lunch with their kids. I honestly find it taxing to be in a room full of that many loud, rude kids (especially when I have the little ones with me) but Sam asked me to, it makes her happy and so I do it. I also help out in her classroom, at her school parties, I'm active in the PTA and am at almost all of the PTA events, especially during the day at school. I have the time and it makes her happy I'm there. There will be a time where those things aren't true, so I take it where I can. I don't know - maybe I'm feeling defensive because I did take Sam McD's and it was said more than once that people who do that are bad mothers. However, I know that doesn't make me a bad mother. Just like not coming to have lunch with their child doesn't make somebody else a bad mother.
Hmm, the baby is walking! I tried for 4 days to get video of him doing it, but everytime he saw the camera, he'd crawl over to me to try to get it. This boy isn't stupid - he knows he can crawl way faster than he can walk. So we finally resulted to making him chase his breakfast. It worked. So in order of importance it's 1) food 2) electronics and then 3) Mom! It's a good thing he's my 3rd or I might actually be offended by that order. I do have to say I love those first unsteady baby steps.
Well that's all for now. I have to admit I like this style of posting!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Rethinking
I reread my last post and it sounded a bit whiny. And it sounded like I wasn't happy with how things are. And that just isn't true.
Somebody(s) close to us just experienced a devastating loss. A part of their lives that is still unfulfilled. I am confident that their prayers will be answered (hopefully soon), but the unknown has got to be eating away at them.
Tonight, I sat at the kitchen table and helped Samantha with her homework while talking with Lexi about her favorite parts of school. While dinner was cooking, we played a game of Trouble together as a family. And now, after the kids are safely tucked into bed, I sit with my husband enjoying a glass of wine and watching our favorite Monday night lineup on TV. So you know what? Status quo ain't that bad.
Somebody(s) close to us just experienced a devastating loss. A part of their lives that is still unfulfilled. I am confident that their prayers will be answered (hopefully soon), but the unknown has got to be eating away at them.
Tonight, I sat at the kitchen table and helped Samantha with her homework while talking with Lexi about her favorite parts of school. While dinner was cooking, we played a game of Trouble together as a family. And now, after the kids are safely tucked into bed, I sit with my husband enjoying a glass of wine and watching our favorite Monday night lineup on TV. So you know what? Status quo ain't that bad.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Status Quo
Almost two weeks into the new year and I have nothing to say. That isn't to say we haven't been busy or that there isn't news to share, but some of that news isn't mine to share. Some of that news that started out as amazing has ended in heartache. And some is so mundane it doesn't really seem blog worthy.
After the excitement and highs of the holidays, I'm feelings sort of blah now. Not good, not bad. Just there. Any maybe that's part of the problem. I am at my best when I have something to plan, to get ready for - must be the control freak in me. And right now there is nothing to plan. Nothing new on the horizon for us. We're just here chugging along, doing all the day to day stuff. And I don't mean this to sound that I would change anything because I wouldn't. I love that I've been married over a decade. That we have 3 beautiful, healthy children. That we are living in a great house, in a great neighborhood. I mean, who wouldn't want that, right? But sometimes status quo kind of feels like boring.
I don't want to be in this funk. And I realize as we get back into our schedule, it's getting better. As the weather improves, I'm sure it will get even better. And as soon as I can start planning our San Diego trip, it will be completely lifted! Because actually there is a lot for us to look forward to this year. A lot of decisions that we'll be making. Most of it just seems so far away. Although given how fast last year seemed to go and given that we are two weeks into the new year, I should just enjoy this downtime.
After the excitement and highs of the holidays, I'm feelings sort of blah now. Not good, not bad. Just there. Any maybe that's part of the problem. I am at my best when I have something to plan, to get ready for - must be the control freak in me. And right now there is nothing to plan. Nothing new on the horizon for us. We're just here chugging along, doing all the day to day stuff. And I don't mean this to sound that I would change anything because I wouldn't. I love that I've been married over a decade. That we have 3 beautiful, healthy children. That we are living in a great house, in a great neighborhood. I mean, who wouldn't want that, right? But sometimes status quo kind of feels like boring.
I don't want to be in this funk. And I realize as we get back into our schedule, it's getting better. As the weather improves, I'm sure it will get even better. And as soon as I can start planning our San Diego trip, it will be completely lifted! Because actually there is a lot for us to look forward to this year. A lot of decisions that we'll be making. Most of it just seems so far away. Although given how fast last year seemed to go and given that we are two weeks into the new year, I should just enjoy this downtime.
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