Merry Christmas

From our home to yours...wishing you all the best this holiday season.

Bits & Pieces

I've been meaning to update here for awhile, but life has just gotten in the way. So this post is going to be a quick bullet point update, just to get me caught me up. Although if one were placing bets, I'll probably fall behind again.

• Jack turned 2 just over a week ago. I can't believe it! I feel it every day with the girls, but this birthday really pointed out to me how quickly the time is going. He's doing well, into everything, finally starting to talk and the most lovable guy ever. An interesting note on the speech - I was starting to get worried that he was possibly behind because he didn't seem to have near the vocabulary the girls did (I know, never compare children). And he's extremely stubborn. For example, he can say Einstein, but refuses to say milk. But at his doctor's appt. we were told he's actually slightly above average, so I'm very relieved.

• I had my titers tested 2 weeks ago and those luckily came back at 1:1. I tested again today and am praying for the same results. I'll find out for sure on Wednesday. This was supposed to be the pregnancy I really enjoyed, didn't wish to rush past, etc, since it's our last. And yet, here I am worrying all the time. It's really hard living two weeks at a time. But I am getting close to the end and I'll can hope for is a healthy baby in the end.

• The girls have been so busy, it's crazy. Samantha finished up the cheer season in November at regional competition. They had done really well at local and had they done exceptionally well at regionals, they would have been invited to nationals in Disneyland in March. I am a horrible mom and relieved to say, while they did awesome, they did not place high enough to qualify! There was a part of me that hoped the crazy schedule would talk Sam into NOT doing it next year, but it has instead talked BOTH girls into doing it. Samantha also just completed her first year in the Nutcracker (ballet) this past weekend. She did amazing, but we're all exhausted. And now, both girls have signed up to the school musical.

So that's really all for now. We're all looking forward to Christmas break, which starts Friday and the little bit of down time it will provide us.

The Great Unknown

We have recently learned that this is now considered a high risk pregnancy, although at this moment we don't know to what extent.

Last Thursday I got a phone call from my doctor saying that my blood work came back positive for the anti-c antibody. I have not had this in previous pregnancies and while her original thoughts were it happened during my delivery with Jack, it's looking more like it's happened within this pregnancy, since it was negative at my 10 week blood work up. Basically, I must have had a silent bleed at some point in this pregnancy and the baby and I have shared blood, changing the make up of my blood and my body is now attacking the baby's red blood cells. While I understand much more than I did last week, I still don't completely understand the genetics of all of it. What this could result in is severe jaundice in the baby either before and/or after birth.

Last week my titer levels (what they judge this by) came back at 1:1, which is very good news. I retested again this past Monday and my levels remained at 1:1, which is great news. It means the levels are very low and that my body has not yet started viewing the baby as "foreign". If it starts to rise, it means my body is going on "attack" mode. I will retest again every two weeks until the end of the pregnancy and we will base the next course of treatment on those results.

The outcome for this can vary. Worse case scenario, which we are not allowing ourselves to go to, would be stillbirth. Best case scenario is that my titer levels remain low and I go on to have an semi-uneventful remainder of the pregnancy and normal delivery. Other possible scenarios include a preterm delivery and possible NICU stay, interutarine blood transfusions and/or blood transfusions after birth for the baby, and mild to severe jaundice (which in it's own right could require a NICU stay regardless of being term or not). Long term (after the newborn period) there should be no risk to the baby. Long term for me - if I were to ever need a blood transfusion in the future, I would need to make sure they gave me some that has this anti-c antibody or my body will reject it. It may make sense for me to bank my own blood when I'm not pregnant, but we'll cross that at a later date.

Although my titer levels could raise at anytime, it is to my benefit that they are so low and that it happened so late in the pregnancy. Titer levels raise in doubles, so 1:1, 1:2, 1:4, etc, although could jump mulitple levels. As long as my levels remain under 1:8, we can continue on as though this was a normal pregnancy, minus the extra blood work. If it raises beyond that, we will go to the next step which are specialized ultrasounds that would check the baby for anemia. It's only if those results are too high, that we would start discussing the interuterarine blood transfusions. The belief is if my levels remain as low as they are now, that the baby should not have any complications (in regards to this) at birth, although we won't know that for sure until he/she is born. For right now, I am able to stay with my doctor, who is consulting with a high risk doctor. If things get worse, I will be referred to a perinatoligist at a larger hospital.

So for now, we sit and wait. I'll admit it's weird to be "high risk" and yet have nothing I can do change the outcome of this. My next test results will be in 2 weeks. When we got this news we were devasted as I'm sure you can imagine, but now we are cautiously optomistic about it. Right now, we could really use your good thoughts and prayers that my titer levels stay low and that this remains an uneventful pregnancy with a normal delivery.

Happy Birthday Alexandra!

Today my baby girl turns 5! It is hard to believe that at this exact moment, 5 years ago, I was sitting in a hospital minutes away from giving birth to this beautiful little girl. Lexi came into this world 10 days early, with a head full of black hair, weighing 7lbs 14oz and was 21 in. long.

Since that day, she has been a constant bright light in our lives. Sure, she can be the most frustrating child at times. Her ability is listen depends on her mood and we often tease her that she's must be visiting "Lexi's world" because she isn't here with us. When I first suggested that to her, expecting her to get mad at me like her big sister would, she looked at me dead pan and said "it is really cool here, there is 102 roller coasters!". That's our girl :)

But she is also the most caring, compassionate, loving child I have ever met. She truly cares about others, is always willing to share her time and her things and is never one to back away from a hug or a kiss from us. Her laugh is contagious and you can truly tell she's happy when you see the giant dimple form on her cheek.

A 5th birthday are a milestone for a child and it's no different in this case. Maybe it's because she was my baby for so long or because she already seems so grown up, but this is a hard one for me. She's already started kindergarten and thriving, she's already started living in a world that doesn't always include me and she is definitely becoming her own little person. But she is one who absolutely knows home is where your story begins.

Lexi, you are a bright, shining star in our lives. You amaze us each and every day and we are so proud to be your parents. You have a unique job of being both a younger and older sister and you excel at both. May being 5 be all that you want it to be. We love you with everything we are.

We had our big ultrasound yesterday. Although not so "big" for us as we chose again to stay yellow team. What I can tell you is that the baby looks good, is average size (after Jack, yay!) with really long legs and is very active!



It only seems appropriate that before my appointment I watched a show on Discovery Health called "8 Boys and Wanting a Girl." It was all about families who have boys (some with 4, one with as many as 8), who truly believe their lives will incomplete without a girl.

This is something I've never truly understood - the desire for one gender over another. And some might say that I feel that because I have both, but that isn't true. I was shocked when I had Jack and found out I had a boy. I really believed we were having another girl and was excited about it. Nacho and I have never gone into this "trying" for anything. We didn't plan a 3rd baby in hopes of "finally getting our boy" (which quite frankly is a phrase I'm so tired of hearing), nor did we ever feel we were done because we had one. We have more kids because we want more kids. I love my children for who they are, not what they are.

So, some of these women were willing to try just about anything, including gender selection, while others couldn't afford anything but the hope & pray method. Of the four women, one who did extreme measures, did get twin girls. But she is the one that bothered me the most. She likened not having a girl (keep in mind she had 4 beautiful boys)to not being able to have kids at all. Now, I've never been infertile, so I won't pretend to speak for them, but I can't imagine there is anything that compares to the heartbreak of not being able to have any children if you really want them. She also refused to marry her partner unless he could give her girls. Because she finally got them, she finally agreed to marry him - 17 years and 6 kids later. Something seems wrong with that picture.

Only one of the other women were able to get pregnant again and when she was getting her big ultrasound done, she burst into tears when she found out it was another boy. She came home depressed, like having a healthy baby wasn't good enough. Now like I've said, I don't understand the feeling of need for either gender, which is probably why it's so easy for us to stay yellow team. I guess I can sort of understand the desire to have one of each or hoping for one first. But to let it make you feel like your life isn't complete, especially when you've got beautiful children at home - that I don't understand. And it makes me wonder - do these children suffer because they aren't who their mothers wanted. Do they live with knowing that every day?

For us, boy or girl, we are just thrilled to be adding another member to Team Lua. Either one will complete this family.

Lesson: Slow Down

Background: Samantha is now a cheerleader, which I'll get to in a later post because it really does feel like it's taken over our lives.

Last night, I dropped Sam off at cheer practice and because I had a few minutes to kill before a meeting I had to be at, I decided to stay and watch for a bit. They take attendance and the girls run their lap(s). As a bunch of girls were running the far outside of the blacktop, opposite of where we were, a pick up truck comes barreling through, almost taking out quite a few of our cheerleaders. I watch in horror as this truck comes close to hitting Sam and knowing there is no way for me to get over there in time. By the grace of God, Sam realizes something's up and goes the only other direction she can to avoid getting hit - face first into a basketball pole.

As she comes limping back to me, I go out to meet her. The force has knocked the wind out of her, which has terrified her and she's got a nice bruise forming above her eyebrow. The cheer directer meets me and calls over on her cell to where this guy is going, only to be told that he was trying to get to a hurt football player. Umm, excuse me? So taking out a bunch of cheerleaders to get to an injured football player is somehow ok? The cheer director deals with that, while her coach gets her some ice, but at this point, she's had enough and wants to go home. And who could blame her.

This guy, which I found out later is the grandfather of the hurt player, never once used his horn to warn them he was coming up behind them, nor did he ever come over to see if Sam was ok. I think this is a case where I can truly call someone an asshole and mean it. Because he either didn't see the cheerleaders (next to impossible with 50 of them out there) or he simply didn't care. And I know this because moments later as I was carrying Sam back across the blacktop, he came barreling back through again...while there were still cheerleaders out there.

There is a part of me that wishes I had confronted the guy, but holding my baby was more important at that moment. Not to mention, he was in a truck and he apparently wasn't afraid to use it. I don't know where it will go from here. The football board has said they'll talk to the parents, but I'm not sure how much that will change anything, unless they make a policy that nobody, other than emergency vehicles, can come onto the black top during practices. But something needs to be done because it was only 3 weeks ago when some other asshole decided he didn't want to let a group of 10 of us finish crossing (in a crosswalk!) the parking lot after practice, so he gunned it and swerved around us, barely missing some of the cheerleaders.

So while Sam has a major headache and a nice size bruise & goose egg, she is no worse for wear. And compared to the alternative of what could have happened last night, for that I am thankful.

The lesson: slow down. The 20 seconds you saved, could have taken the life of somebody else.

Updated 9/16 to add: They have closed practices to all vehicles (they are keeping the fire gate locked to all but emergency vehicles) and they have sent out an email to every single parent. I am so glad they are taking this seriously!

Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?

There are very few songs that can move me to tears anytime I hear them. One of those songs is "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?" by Alan Jackson. Every time it plays, I stop what I'm doing and remember where I was on that horrible day. Today, it has been 9 years.



So, where were you when the world stopped turning?

I was in bed with my husband, when our tv came on and we both sat straight up and watched in horror as the 2nd plane struck the World Trade Center. It felt like we were watching a movie - surely this couldn't be real. As we prayed for all those people, it suddenly struck me - my mom and stepdad were flying home from Greece that very morning. I called my dad in a panic and then we sat in silence on the phone as a plane hit the Pentagon. It was at that time we decided it would be better to be together, so we drove down to his house. We sat glued to the tv all day. I'm sure we got up occasionally and we must have eaten, but I don't remember any of it. I do remember endless phone calls to the airlines, trying to get information about my mom, that never connected. I did feel better once they had grounded all flights, and I knew realistically those weren't her flights, as her only connection was in Heathrow, but the not knowing was like a sucker punch. Finally, early the next morning, I received a phone call from her - they were safe in Scotland, where they would spend the next week before being allowed to fly home.

As I listen to my 3 children running around and laughing and I feel my 4th, happily moving inside me, I am deeply humbled and grateful for all that has been sacrificed so I can sit here with my family.

To all the military personal, fire fighters, police officers, flight crews and everyday civilians who gave so much that day - THANK YOU!

ALL GAVE SOME. SOME GAVE ALL. WE WILL NOT FORGET.

Team Lua is Growing!

That's right! We are thrilled to announce that Team Lua is growing by one more, due to make his/her appearance around Valentine's Day! We are all very excited (except for Jack who doesn't realize what's going on).

So to answer some questions - yes, we know how this happens. Yes, this baby was planned, as were all of ours. While I know to never say never, I do feel I can say with certainty, this will be our last baby. We will not be finding out the gender until delivery (and no we don't do this to torture other people). And yes, we know we'll have our hands full, but we already do. And we're loving every minute (well almost every minute) of it!

Happy Anniversary!

I just want to take a moment to wish my husband a very happy anniversary. 11 years ago today I married my best friend. The one I laugh with, live for, love. It has been an amazing journey so far and I can't wait to see what's around the next corner.

5 years

Five years ago today was the worst day of our lives. It was the day we almost lost Samantha. For us, 5 years isn't really any different than 4 years was or 6 years will be. It will be a day that will stay with us forever. But 5 years is a milestone of sorts. Today is the day Samantha is no longer considered medically high risk.

And while that is amazing, it doesn't really change anything for us. To us, she will always be considered high risk. I don't think you can ever come that close to losing your child and ever feel that things are normal. I've talked about what happened to her one or two times before, but never in one full story, so I'm going to try to do that now. I'm not sure how I'll do, since I can't think about that day with crying, but I'll try. I can tell you, it will be a mix of jumbled thoughts and I'm sure I will leave out some important facts.

That day started out as any other. We were up visiting my dad and stepmom and decided to go out to lunch and then to see Burney Falls. Samantha seemed fine, ate like normal and was in a good mood. After we returned to their house, I put her down for her nap and went to talk to my grandmother. We listened to her talk over the monitor for awhile and eventually she quieted down, with me assuming she had finally fallen asleep. Which she may have. A while later my sister came over with her 3 kids and I decided it was time to get Samantha up to play with her cousins.

What I found when I walked in, I will never forget. Her neck was at the most awkward angle, her eyes were open but rolled back and she was barely breathing. Thinking maybe she had somehow broken her neck, I called for Nacho who came running. He picked her up and told me to call 911. Somewhere between the bedroom and the phone I panicked and I walked into the kitchen and asked my stepmom to "please help me." She says it was the combination of the look on my face and the tone of my voice that made her realize she needed to call 911 - thank God she did. By this time, Nacho had brought her out to the family room where we gathered around her and waited for the paramedics to get there. She was still barely breathing. I'm sure it was only a few minutes, but it seemed like an eternity before they got there and when they did it became a world-wind of activity. The equivalent of an emergency room triage was set up on their family room floor while all I could do was look on helplessly. When it came time to transport her, they wouldn't let us ride with her. I don't why they changed their minds, but they finally agreed to let Nacho ride, but up front. It wasn't until we had time to rethink the events of the day that we realized the reason they wouldn't let us ride in back with her, or me at all, was because they didn't think she'd make it to the hospital. Something to remember - I was 6 months pregnant with Lexi at the time.

My dad drove me over the hospital and I remember when I walked up to the desk to tell them that my daughter had been brought in by ambulance, they told me she already had a family member with her. My dad lost it on the guy and I was immediately shown back. Right as I saw her for the first time, my little baby hooked to up wires and tubes and a bed way too big for her, I was met by the chaplain. I knew it couldn't be good. I wasn't in a place to be able to talk to her - I needed to find out what was going on with Samantha, so my dad talked to her. By this point the rest of the family had arrived and she put them in a special waiting room in the ER and told them to expect the worse and to be prepared to catch us. Again, they didn't think our little girl would make it.

My family is amazing and phone calls were made, prayer groups were started and even though Nacho and I were alone in that ER with Samantha, we had a world of people fighting right beside us. A world of people who, in that moment, loved our daughter like their own.

Most of that night is a blur to me, but there are things that stick out so clearly. I remember the respiratory therapist hand pumping air into her little body for hours because she was unable to regulate her own breathing. I remember the nursing staff trying desperately to get me to eat something - because they were terrified I would lose Samantha and then in turn lose the baby I was carrying. I remember when they wanted to run the CT Scan and we asked what that would show them and their response was they wanted to rule out a brain tumor, how my husband, who had been my rock up until that point, dropped to his knees like he had been sucker punched. And in a way he had. I have never doubted Nacho loves for any of our children, but it was in the moment where I truly understood a father's love. I remember our baby girl turned 16 months old, in an ER, far from home, hooked up to more tubes and machines than I could count.

Eventually, they got her stable enough for transport to a PICU. Unfortunately, that hospital didn't have one, so it meant they were going to have to airlift her. After much paperwork and insurance issues and many changed transport hospitals, it was decided she would be transported to Kaiser Oakland. They of course wouldn't let me fly with her because I was pregnant. They didn't want to let Nacho fly either, but I begged them to let him go and they finally agreed with one major stipulation. He was not allowed to get out of his seat no matter what happened. Again, they weren't sure she'd make it. Later in those quiet nights next to her bed in the PICU, Nacho finally told me he didn't want me to fly with her because if something had happened to that plane, he would have lost his whole world.

As Nacho waited with Sam for the flight details to be worked out, I left to start the 4 hour drive down to Oakland with my dad. I still don't know how I walked out of that hospital not knowing if I would ever see her alive again, but I knew I was doing it for her. It was a quiet drive down for us, with me mostly lost in my own thoughts and the what-ifs. About half-way through our drive, Nacho called to say they were still at the hospital because they were having a hard time finding the right size intubation tube for her (I'm not sure why they were changing it out since she had been intubated since her arrival in the ER), but that for a brief moment, while she was extubated, she woke up, she recognized Nacho and she said "dada." The first moment where we had hope our little girl would be ok.

As it was, my dad made record time and we beat the airlift down there. Finally they arrived and she was whisked right up to the PICU. By the time they let me in, they were getting ready to do a final extubation, but warned us they might have to intubate again right away. To our sweet relief, our little girl who hadn't been able to breath on her for hours, was breathing regular, sweet breaths. That night they ran a multitude of tests and about 5am, finally made me go lay down in the parents' room. I think I lasted 45 minutes before I was right back at her side. After 3 days, as the tests were coming back clean, they finally decided she could be moved to the pediatric floor. And by the time she got there, she had her spunk back! What a sweet sight for us. After a total of a week in the hospital, she was released. She was on medication for a year and is now a thriving, happy 6 year old. We never did get any answers to why this happened, but they tell us that's better because it's more likely to be a one time thing.

We later learned that she was down to 3 breaths a minute when she admitted to the ER. We learned her seizure never stopped on it's own and that it lasted over 2 hours before they were able to medically stop it. We learned that the ER doctor didn't know if was a seizure and took her best guess. We learned that had I found her 10 minutes later, we would have lost her.

So here were are 5 years later, finally able to not let this consume us. But still ever so aware of what happened and still so eternally grateful for the people who where there with us. I've thanked them all before, but when they are a part of the fight to save your daughter's life, I don't think you can ever thank them too much. So to my dad, my stepmom, my grandmother, my sisters and my brother-in-law - thank you for being there that night and holding us. For having the answers when we didn't. For thinking of the small, but important things, like driving our car down to the hospital for us. For being strong for us, when we knew your hearts were breaking into a million pieces as well. To my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, who drove to three different hospitals while they were trying to figure out where they were airlifting to her to - thank you for being the rock that Nacho so desperately needed and I couldn't be for him. To my brother-in-law and sister-in law, thank you for driving all the way down to the hospital, even when you knew you wouldn't be able to see Samantha, just to sit with us for a few minutes. You have no idea how nice it was to see familiar faces. To my uncle, aunt, cousin and his wife - thank you for coming to see us. Thank you for bringing us our first taste of non-hospital food and thank you for sitting for hours with us as we held our baby girl. Thank you to my mom, who stayed overnight with Samantha, who held her tight all night, even when Sam had leaked out of her diaper, for being there for me, so I could get some sleep to continue to safely grow the baby I was carrying. To the hospital staff at both locations - thank you for taking care of our girl and for fighting for her life like we would have. To our other family and friends...and strangers - thank you for your love, your understanding, your prayers and your fight to save our little girl's life. We are eternally grateful for all of you.

5 years....it can be a a lifetime.

To My Husband On Father's Day

(I'd like to take credit for this, but I stole it from a card)

"Home"

We've rushed out the door
countless late Monday mornings
and waltzed in on many
a soft, moonlit night.

We've watched as first steps
became first days of school,
with our arms letting go
but our hearts holding tight.

We've welcomed in memories,
their lovelight and laughter
lingering on in a sweet afterglow.

And we've said some good-byes,
amazed how time flies
since that "JUST YOU AND ME"
of so long ago.

Together we've seen how
the seasons have changed,
but one thing remains
so steady and true...

Here at the HEART of
this life that we've made
is my comfort, my "HOME,"
my happiness....you.

Happy Father's Day!

Our children are so lucky to have you as their father and I am so lucky to have you as my partner on this crazy journey called parenting.

So Much Going On....

Before I forget here is a picture of my Bug at her preschool graduation. We are so incredibly proud of her!

Summer has been a busy one so far and it doesn't seems like it will let up anytime soon. So much for this being the time for us to relax! In the 1.5 weeks the girls have been off, they've had swim lessons, a cheer uniform fitting, their big ballet show, their final t-ball game and multiple birthday parties. But I like being busy, so I guess it's ok.

But it hasn't all been a great either. Sunday morning, I woke up and logged onto Facebook, only to read that another high school classmate of mine had died. And it's something I just can't wrap my head around. Apparently, he was hit head on when another drive veered into his lane. This man was so talented and to know that we never hear that beautiful voice sing again is really hard to stomach. Matthew Trombetta, you will be remembered.

While it's so hard to understand why another great life was taken way too early, it is of some comfort to know that with death comes new life. And we're celebrating that around here big time.

We welcomed new life as my best friend gave birth to her son, Ethan David. This adorable little chuck arrived weighing 9lbs 9oz (and since she's my best friend I can tell you she did it all natural! - way to go Mama!) and 21.5 inches long. I got to spend some time with them on Friday and we're going to see them again today. I couldn't be happier for them!

And I think it's now safe to say that my brother and his wife are expecting their first baby on Halloween. Such an exciting time for them....and I get to be an aunt again!

For me, all it takes is looking in the face of my sweet children to know that everything will be ok.

There Are Still Good People In This World!

When we lost our camera on Monday I was devastated. I tried not to be because I know Nacho was beating himself up over it and I didn't want to make him feel worse. But I was. I was upset we had lost all of our pictures and I was upset that somebody else had all of our pictures. You never know who might want to do what with those pictures.

In the camera case, I had a friends' business card and I kept hoping that the person who found it would get in touch with them. After all, we had called the ball park and the parking garage and neither had seen it - so somebody had to have picked it up. Most of the week went by and there was no word, so I had honestly given up hope. We would never see those pictures of our weekend in Tahoe or the videos of Jack's wacky dance. We went to the store and bought a new camera because all who know me know I could not be without one.

And then today, I got an email from my friend and our camera had been found! And it's being mailed back to us on Monday. So I'll give until Wednesday before I absolutely believe the following, but for now it's really nice to know there are still good people in this world. People who could look at the pictures and realize they were some family's memories. Memories of when their children were small.

Life is good!

And I will get graduation pictures up soon. As you all know, life didn't stop just because I couldn't document it.

The Perfect Memorial Day Weekend With The Not So Perfect Ending

This weekend was going to be an easy one for us. One with no commitments and no real plans, except to attend the Giants game on Monday. Last Friday, I was in the middle of utter (but happy) chaos with the preschool's volunteer breakfast, some PTA commitments, followed by the big school's volunteer luncheon and early dismissal for all, when Nacho called me and wanted to know if we'd want to use his bosses' time-share in Tahoe for the weekend.

Um, yes!!!!!!

He was a bit shocked by my answer since my type-A personality likes to be able to plan things and this was going to be throw random things in the suitcase and hope I remembered underwear for all (I did, btw). As were sitting in holiday traffic, I was starting to regret my decision and silently wondered if staying home might have been the better choice. But then the traffic let up, we started seeing snow and smelling the crisp air and I knew we had made the right decision. I knew it even more when we pulled up to resort and I saw how gorgeous it was. And we were even spoiled to get a suite! We had a picnic at the lake, drove around the entire lake, went swimming and just enjoyed some quiet downtime as a family. It was a much needed trip for us. And come on, where else can you swim with snow-capped mountains in the back.

We came home Sunday and went the Giants game and even though they lost, we had a ton of fun. The girls got slide down the big Coke bottle slide, we finally got to walk around the entire stadium and Lexi got a bag of cotton candy just about as tall as she is! It was perfect.

It wasn't until we got home and were going to look at our pictures that we realized our camera was missing. With all of our pictures from the weekend (and some before that) on it. Nacho started beating himself up because he felt responsible, I started beating myself up because I had been to tired to download the pictures from Tahoe when we got home Sunday night. And I did the only thing I know how to do in these situations - I burst into tears. The most frustrating part is we know we had it when we got up from our seats, so it's between there and the parking garage we lost it (or possibly had it stolen in heard of us exiting the game), but we can't pinpoint where. The parking garage hasn't seen it and the park will only get back to us if they find it.

I woke up this morning with a different perspective on the situation though. I still hope somebody is kind enough to return it to us, but if not, it's just a thing. It's a few weeks worth of pictures in a lifetime of memories. And as I told Nacho, we came home with all 3 kids, so if we had to lose something, better the camera, right?....

And today we are on to more important things.....our little girl graduated from preschool today! Pictures to follow soon.

Yet Another Recall

I want my kids safe. So I'm happy they are recalling defective products. What I'm not happy about it that they aren't being made safely to begin with and that some are being recalled years after they were made.

Right before I had Jack I happened to see in a magazine that the bassinet we were going to use had been recalled due to a strangulation hazard. The same bassinet that we had bought 5 years earlier and had used with both girls. Thank God they survived!

Then a month ago, all of our kids medication got recalled. Too bad we had already used most of it!

Then yesterday I stumble upon yet another recall...this time for the crib. What's weird about this is the recall was issued over a month ago and I never heard about it. Sure, I had heard about the drop side crib recall, but this was one related to the mattress support. And the problems started in 2008 when a boy died when the support broke and he suffocated. The recall was in April 2010 - that is a full two years after that happened. How can they wait two years? We would have never used that crib for Jack. But yet another unsafe product all my kids have used.

I do have to say after much run around with the stores where we bought these products (except for the medicine - Costco took it back without a problem), we were finally issued full refunds in the form of store credits for them.

It's getting to the point where I feel like I can't let my kids play with anything, eat anything, sleep in anything. I'd wrap them in bubble wrap, but that would probably get recalled too.

Just a Quick Note

This last month of school is going to be a crazy one for us, so I'm likely not going to be around a lot. But don't worry, I'm still alive and I'll be back to entertain you soon.

If you remember, I vented about the school closure in our district and what it might mean for us. Well, I'm happy to report that we got the phone call yesterday that Lexi is in the school of our choice!

And it other news, I was elected PTA Vice-President. I have no idea what I just got myself into.

Do You Know What Sucks?

When all three of your kids end up with a stomach virus.

Do you know what sucks more?

When two of them get sick in the same night, leaving you with very little sleep.

Do you know what sucks more than that?

When you don't realize that the baby has gotten sick sometime in the night until you go get him up for the day and his entire crib is covered in puke. And you realize you are the world's worst mother because your baby slept in his own puke all.night.long! And you are so disappointed in yourself that it doesn't even make you feel better when somebody else justifies it by saying you've raised pretty awesome kids if they don't even cry when they get sick.

Do you know what sucks more than all of this, though?

When Mom catches the stomach virus and has to take care of sick kids while barely able to lift her head. Umm, Universe, I thought we had agreed that moms can't get sick. Especially when their kids are sick. So I finally admitted defeat and asked Nacho call in sick yesterday because I knew I just couldn't do it.

And I have to give him credit - he stepped up. While I slept upstairs, he got Sam off to school and took care of the two younger ones. When the baby went down for a nap, he took Lexi to Costco and got all of our shopping done. And he even brought home flowers. I finally managed to move down to the couch to watch the younger ones while he picked Sam up from school and then he took the two oldest ones to the preschools' parent potluck. I would like to point out however I did manage to stand upright for 10 whole minutes to make a taco salad for them to take.

After a good nights' sleep, I'm feeling much better. Samantha's teacher, who is recovering from this as well, warned me that I need to take it easy or it will creep back up. The thought of taking it easy sounds heavenly, but I think I just used the one sick day I'll get this decade. And our calendar is crazier than ever, so let's just hope I bounce back as easily as the kids have. Besides, I have to clean the downstairs before I go crazy. Because while Nacho rocked it yesterday, cleaning up is not his strong suit. And making a gigantic mess is Jack's.

My last post really got me thinking about priorities for our family and those to families around us. Obviously I can only speak for my family, since saying anything about how other families live would be making assumptions, which is what I just stated drove me batty. So my comments and observations in the rest of this post are about how I would feel in any given situation and not neccessarily of those living it. I hope that makes sense.

We live in a very nice house in a wonderful neighborhood. Our dream house honestly, unless we were suddenly to win the lotto. Some rooms in our house are nicely put together with furniture that looks like it belongs there, while other rooms have a mish-mash of furniture and somedays look like Toys r' Us has thrown up in it. Our walls are white, something that recently has been driving me nuts, but repainting a house this size would cost lots of money - money we don't have. I suppose I could always do one room at a time, but I tend to be an "all or nothing" type of person.

We recently went over to a friends' house which is honestly immaculate. Now I know we all clean up before having company over, but this was different. You could tell they lived this way. And when it's somebody without kids or with older kids it doesn't really bother me because the need for a bunch of little toys isn't there. But these people have kids similar in age to our oldests, so I'll admit it, I was jealous. How could their entire downstairs be void of little kid toys? Our house looked better when the playroom was upstairs (we had to move it downstairs when we had Jack), but it was never like this.

After sleeping on it for a night (and still waking up a bit jealous) I really got to thinking - I don't really want a house like that. Sure, it would be nice for when company came over for them not trip over toys, but for the day to day stuff around here, I want my kids to know it's their home too. That they can pull toys out during the day and play with them. That for us, this house is a home.

But we've seen the flip side of this too - where a house looks like it's been taken over by the kids and you can't find anything adult in the room. Where counters and tables are covered in papers, games, crayons, etc and you can't quite figure out where they actually eat. Or sit. Where there isn't a single room that looks like it actually belongs. And I couldn't live in a house like that either.

So for me it's trying to find the right balance that allows the kids to be still be kids and allows me to not absolutely go nuts with the clutter and chaos. There are simple things we do each day that helps to accomplish that, I think. Rooms are picked up and beds are made every day. For me walking into a room with a made bed makes the entire room look nicer. Toys are played with and messes are made, but the family room is picked up before bed. And my biggest pet peeve - our center island. Sure it gets covered during mealtimes, but keeping it cleared off for the majority of the day helps me to keep my sanity. Being able to look over and see a clean kitchen table and the clean center island allows me to sit down and watch tv with my husband at the end of day without feeling like hurting somebody.

There are still days where I wish all of our furniture was bought for this house, where we had some actual color on the walls, where we actually had that built in for our tv in our family room and where it didn't look like we owned a toy store. But I also know that there will a time in the not so distant future where we'll probably have all that - a clean house, with matching furniture and no toys. And no noise. And we'll be wishing to have it all back.

It's Not Luck

It's no surprise that it annoys me beyond belief when people make assumptions about our parenting decisions or our overall lifestyle choices. The biggest, which I've talked about before is my decision not to nurse. I can't believe the looks of distain I still get, even though the baby is now almost 17 months old and had been off a bottle all together for 5 months. Does he look like a sickly toddler to you? Do my girls look unhealthy, unhappy and like they're suffering? No? Than shut the hell up!

The other one that really gets under my skin is when people tell us how lucky we are that I can stay home with our kids. It's not luck. We planned it and planned it long before we had our first baby. There is a reason we waited almost 5 years into our marriage before having kids. For us, it is a matter of priorities. Now, that's not to say that our list of priorities are or should be the same for somebody else, but like everything else in our parenting style, we do what is right for us. We don't pay for texting or internet connection on our phones, we don't have any premium cable channels, we rarely go out to eat - all sacrafices we are willing to make so that I can stay home. So, please don't ever assume we just got lucky. It is a choice we made, planned for and continue to live for.

Getting THE Picture

I, like every parent, has spent countless hours trying to get the picture of their kids. When we had one child, piece of cake. Two children? Not that hard. But three? That has proved nearly impossible. So much so, that my friend Christy and I have an ongoing joke* about trying to get the picture.

*not so much a joke as we're both completely serious about it - much to the frustration of our children.

In our household we've come close quite a few times, but when inspecting the picture closer realize it just isn't it.

It never fails that one or more (or in the case all) of my children aren't looking at the camera....

Or that one or more of my children decides to give us that ridiculous fake smile.......

Let's not even talk about the phase we had where Lexi refused to even be in any of my pictures, so it seemed as if I only had two children.....


Or when Jack got mobile and every picture either had him crawling or walking away or he had something (cell phone, keys, camera case) in his lap to keep him still.....


Or most of our pictures which are any combination of the above.

But this Easter I swore I got the picture. So much so that I even posted to Christy's Facebook wall to tell her!


So, upon closer inspection I realize it's not the best picture of Samantha. And the background isn't nice at all. And it appears that my baby son is flipping me off. But, they are all looking at me without any obviously fake smiles. Sure Jack isn't smiling at all, but I've actually got a picture with Lexi's real smile.

Around here, we call that success. You know, until the next time I decide I'm going to torture them to get the picture.

Walking a Fine Line

I was going to post about our Easter today, but I've got something on my mind that I need to get out. I'd like to say I'll post about Easter tomorrow, but that most likely means I'll never post about it. We did have a pretty good Easter though.

But now to what's on my mind. Samantha has a "friend" at school who is just plain mean. I don't know much about her except that she is the youngest of 3 kids and her mom just went back to work. But she likes to make of fun of Samantha and I think truly gets enjoyment out of seeing her upset. Her favorite things to do right now are tease Samantha about being in the school musical and about the clothes she wears (even though my girls have nicer clothes than I do!) I guess I should say, Samantha is not the only person she does this to though. Samantha and I have had long talks about what it means to be a friend and that real friends don't hurt your feelings on purpose, nor do they like to see you upset. We've talked about what do when this "friend" starts being mean and we've discussed other friends she might want to play with. We talk about what kind of friend she, herself, should be. And how sometimes hanging out with the bully will make people think she is one too. I've also made it very clear that I will not tolerate her treating anybody else that way. But for some reason, she gravitates back towards the bully. She has walked away from bad situations with her and I have seen seen her ignore the bully when she's being mean in the morning line. But still, almost every day she's told me they've played together, along with "but she was nice today."

Today my best friend was over and we were talking about a mutual friend who's feeling got hurt by another person. Samantha was surprised to learn that it happens even when you're grown up. I didn't want to depress her with the fact that no matter how old you get there are going to be those toxic people who like to see you upset, but I did take the time to talk a little bit about her situation. I once again explained that real friends don't like to see their friends upset. That I'm sure there have been times where I've hurt people's feeling and mine certainly have been hurt, but when it's been on accident and it's not all the time, those friends are ok to have. Samantha told my friend that her feelings get hurt everyday. Cue heartbreak for me. I don't really think that is true (and I will never discount her feelings) because most days she comes home very happy. But I can tell when I pick her up when it hasn't been a good day. I understand that little kids equals little problems, but I also understand that in the limited world Sam lives in, this is earth-shattering.

So, I'm walking a fine line. She is the one who has to go school everyday. She is the one who sees this girl everyday. She gets to choose her own friends. So I listen and we talk and we talk some more and I remind of how true friends should treat each other. But what I want to do is scream "why are you friends with that brat?"

And to think this is just the beginning.....

I Am Angry

I just got home from our school board meeting where they voted to close one of the 5 schools in our elementary school district. Thankfully it was not Samantha's school. But that isn't to say it doesn't pose some possible problems to us. We are transfers to the school Samantha attends, albeight from within the same district. We chose this school because the girls went to preschool on the same campus and fell in love with the school and they are comfortable being there which makes me comfortable with them being there. Samantha is now "in." She can not be transfered out. However we are still awaiting the approval for Lexi who will hopefully (fingers crossed) be starting there this fall. We were at the top of the priority list with her having a sibling already there, having attended the preschool on campus, my being on the PTA. But now? I'm not sure where she falls. I left the board meeting in the middle (yes, the board meetings have been going until midnight the last few months), so I don't really understand the priority list now, but I have to assume the displaced students of the closing school would get priority.

So now we sit and wait. And wait. And wait some more. I've got a select few (but important select few!) of our schools' staff saying they'll fight to get Lexi in there, so I hope they can help. And I feel a bit bad even worrying about this right now when an entire school is going to have to go to new schools, but I am. Worried. Because this school is our home. I never thought I'd say that about a school, especially as a kindergartne parent, but I feel that way. Between the PTA and my volunteer time and Samantha's participation in school events, we know a great portion of the entire school....and they feel like family.

I know we could find a new "family" if we had to go a different school, just like I'm confident the families of the closing school will do, but I don't want to. I don't want to pull Samantha out of the school she loves or deny Lexi the opportunity to go the school she is so excited to start, but if one doesn't get in, I have to move them . Logistically I can't have them in seperate schools.

Did I mention I'm horrible at sitting and waiting?

But most of all I'm angry right now. I'm angry that as a district we had to close a school. I'm angry that parents felt like their schools had been pitted against eachother in some sort of Survivor type competition where one is getting voted off. I'm angry that our board meetings have turned into the maturity level of a bunch of 3 year olds, throwing tantrums. But I am so angry at the State of California for ever allowing our district to be put in this position. And I am annoyed by our federal government (but what's new) that they aren't stepping in to help in any of these districts that need help. I find it so hard to stomach that money can be spent to run Superbowl ads about the census, then a letter the week before the census to remind us of the census, then the actualy census, then a postcard reminding to us to make sure we filled out the census, and then on the news tonight I heard they'll be sending census workers around to make sure you actually filled the census, but not any money to keep our schools open. WHAT.THE.FUCK? Sorry, normally I'd abbreviate that, but I am so angry it warrents it being spelled out. Where exactly are my property tax dollars going? And that lottery money? I am so tired of hearing how education is a priority when the actions of our government historically shows it absolutely is not.

We looked into private school, but we can't afford it. I don't believe in the philosophies of our local charter schools. And damnit, I like our school. And even after this school closure, our district is still in the hole. Crazy.

But now it's late and I'm tired and I should probably stop typing now that I've had a glass of wine. I will keep you updated on where Lexi gets into.

Time Keeps Going

There are those things in life that sometimes feel like they just happened yesterday, even though it's been years. Things that make you realize how fast time is going by. Most are happy things, like my kids getting older or vacations we've taken. But some are horrible things. Unexpected things. And yet time keeps going.

My uncle passed away 6 years ago yesterday. And that number is something I should know, since he died right after I had Samantha and she is now 6. Yet, it seems impossible it's been 6 years. Wasn't he just right here, over the moon that we were expecting our first baby? Wasn't it just yesterday we were having Survivor nights at their house? In reality, I know it's not - that little one we were expecting is now 6 and she has two younger siblings. Survivor is in it's something like 20th season. But those memories are fresh....and maybe that's a good thing.

Maybe one of the reasons it's so hard to believe that so much time has gone by is that his passing was so unexpected. He was having a problem with his eye, he thought he might have the flu and then the bomb was dropped. Exactly two weeks after I gave birth to Samantha, I was back at the hospital because my uncle had been admitted with a broken ankle....and cancer. The fastest spreading cancer they had seen. Not even 2 days after being admitted, the cancer had spread to his entire body. He passed away that following Monday. Not even 5 days from diagnosis to death.

He never did get to meet that little baby he was so excited about. Nor the two we had after her. And oh, how I wish he had. They all would have loved eachother. I suppose I have to take solice in that my kids have some pretty kick-ass guardian angels looking over them. But I'd honestly rather them be here knowing my kids.

I don't neccessarily believe that time heals all wounds. I think there are some wounds that just can't be healed. Sure, life goes on, but because it has to. We are approaching the 12th anniversary of one grandfather's death and the 1st anniversary of another. And even though there have been a million memories in between, I still miss them both the same. So 1 year, 6 years, 12 years; expected or unexpected deaths - they should ALL still be here.

Uncle Marty, know that you are thought of often, missed daily and loved always.

Martin Eric Nelson
March 19, 1946 - March 29, 2004

I'm Still Alive

But to be honest, it felt like it was touch and go there for awhile. What? Me, melodramatic? I think not. In all seriousness, I have been recovering from the flu and it was the sickest I think I've ever been. That doesn't bode well for a stay-at-home to 3 kids, 2 of which still had to go to school. Let's just say it was a long 2 weeks. But I'm feeling better now, so that's what matters.

Now I get to spend my time cleaning up the disaster that has become my house. I tried to pick up during the day at best I could, but when making lunch for my kids was a challenge, you can guess that not much got done. And who knew that my inability to clean up anything turned in the inability for anybody in my house to clean up anything. I can't be the only one in this house who gets annoyed by clutter. They must have known I'd recover though and that eventually all of their stuff would be restored to it's correct place. It hasn't happened without a bit of bitching on my part.

There were many things I had planned to blog about, but never quite got around to. So quick recap on Team Lua: Samantha did the school musical and it was wonderful! Being a diva apparently suits her, since one day when I took her over there she got out of the van and walked away, leaving the door wide open. When I questioned her about it, she looked at me and said "Mom, stars don't close their own doors." Yep, she's only 6. Lexi starts t-ball on Wednesday and is oh so excited for it. Trying to convince her that wearing her mit to school was in fact, not a good idea proved to be challenging though. And Jack is Jack. Into everything, cute as ever (and knows it) and talking up a storm, which unfortunatly, I understand very little of.

Hopefully I'll have something more interesting to talk about soon. For now, I'm just happy to be able to lift my head without feeling like it might literally explode.

It's Who I Am

I have red hair and feckles. I am 30 years old. I have a college education. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister. And I am a mother who's child almost died.

Yesterday, somebody very close to me called because her daughter had just had a seizure and she needed advice. And she sounded so scared and I felt so far away. I've mentioned on occassion here how we almost lost Samantha, but I've never gone into detail. At least not here. And as we're approaching the 5 year anniversary of that, maybe I will. But that is for another day.

I haven't brought it up much here because in a lot of ways, I feel like a broken record. It feels like it comes up in the most random of conversations and I don't want to be that mom that is all "yeah, my child almost died." But guess what? I am that mom who's child almost died. For better or worse, it is a part of me. A part I wish wasn't there, but a part none the less. I know there are people who feel we should be over it by now, but the thing I've realized is that you never get over it. Life does get back to some sense of normalcy, you are able to sleep again, you are able to let your child of out of your sight. But then there are those times, like when they spike a fever for no reason, or they zone out just a little too long, or you can't get them to wake up to take their temperature when they are running a fever, where you are instantly brought back to that place. That place in time where you almost lost your child.

This person close to me, who experienced something similar the other day was by herself with her two girls when it happened. I was lucky in a way because I had people there with me who could help when I panicked (and I did) and who will always understand why I can't get over it. A sounding board for those days where fear strikes me. Who understand why I still cry everytime I talk about it. And who won't judge me because I'm not moving on as fast as some think I should. If she needs it, I hope I can be that person for her. Because I do get it.

Today, I was researching information online for her because she desperately wants answers and right now there aren't any. And I remember (and she's smart enough to know) how scary doing internet research can be. I figure I can be her filter. So today, I looked up what Samantha was finally diagnosed with, which was status epilepticus, which basically means a seizure that lasts longer than 30 minutes. Samantha's lasted well over 2 hours before they were medically able to stop it. But while reading, I came across this:

Status epilepticus (SE) is a life-threatening condition in which the brain is in a state of persistent seizure. Definitions vary, but traditionally it is defined as one continuous unremitting seizure lasting longer than 30 minutes [1], or recurrent seizures without regaining consciousness between seizures for greater than 30 minutes (or shorter with medical intervention). There is some evidence that 5 minutes is sufficient to damage neurons and that seizures are unlikely to self-terminate by that time. First aid guidelines for seizures state that an ambulance should be called for seizures lasting longer than 5 minutes.[2] The mortality rate of status epilepticus is very high especially if treatment is not intiated quickly.[3]
(courtesy of wikipedia)

I knew we had been close to losing her, but I didn't know this. Even almost 5 years later, I didn't know this. And it brought to my knees again, so thankful for everybody around that day. To my stepmother who knew just by the look on my face and the tone in my voice when I said "help me" that she needed to call 911. To my brother-in-law who insisted she be brought to the better hospital even though it was further away because we didn't live around there and knew nothing about the hospitals. To the ER doctor, who later admitted she didn't know if it was a seizure and took her best guess. To my dad, and my sisters and my grandmother who held our hands and let us cry, who assured us she'd be fine, who sat in the emergency room, away from us with very little news, but who we knew were there fighting for our little girl on the worst night of our lives.

I went on to read the following

About one in five, a total of 42,000 annually in the United States, will die within 30 days of having an initial status epilepticus seizure.

I didn't know this either. And it's better I didn't. We were barely getting any sleep as it was, so this would have completely done us in. And it proves to me that we do have a miracle living with us in our newly 6 year old daughter. She beat the odds, when they didn't think she would.

But I do know, and I guess I always did, that I had/have reason to be scared. Her seizure wasn't common, it was serious and it was life-threatening. I am not exaggerating when I say that. I am not lying when I say we came minutes from losing her (per the ER director, btw, not my estimate). That whether fair or not, when people told me about how their neighbor's cousin's son had one and he was fine, it was ok for me to be angry (although never at the person because I do understand they were only trying to help) and to explain "this was different." Because it was.

And so, I will continue to talk about it because it's a part of who I am. And I will continue to be amazed by the young lady she is becoming and I will always be remember how lucky we are to still have her here with us. But there is a part of me that will always be a mother who's child almost died.

My Baby Girl is 6!

It feels like just the other day that I wrote about Samantha turning 5 and yet in the blink of an eye, here we are, already celebrating her 6th birthday. I was so full of worry then about her starting kindergarten, about her spending so much time away from me, about her growing up. And now, she is less than three months away from finishing her kindergarten year, a place where she not only met my hopes for her, but far exceeded them. I could not be more proud!

Samantha, this last year has been an amazing one for you, and it turn for me. I just can't believe how fast it went! You love kindergarten and are doing so well in it. You are reading and writing above grade level, you scored 100% on the mid-year math test and your teacher says you love school. I can only hope that you continue to have this kind of passion and drive in all you do. You are still doing ballet, but you have now added the school musical and cheerleading to the mix. We are busy, that's for sure.

We still have a test of wills, you and I. Probably because we are so much alike. You have a serious attitude, which are working on, but I hazard to guess comes with the age. Finding and pushing (a bit) those limits. But you are also amazingly sweet. You are helpful beyond words, loving and so understanding. I am so proud to be your mother.

It is hard to believe my darling girl, that it has been 6 years since you went from this

to this

Can we slow down the clock now?

Happy 6th Birthday Samantha! May your year be filled with love, laughter & fun!

I'm Officially Old

Over the last year or so, I've wondered what makes me old.

Is it that I turned 30 last August? Nope.

Is it that I have 3 kids? Nope.

It's because of what I did yesterday. I became old the second I lost my ever-lovin' mind and decided I was as flexible and/or agile as Lexi was. She wanted me to walk like a crab - or her version of it anyway and so I obliged, convinced I could do it. And I did.

Except NOW my wrist hurts! Like I sprained it. Which proves two things - 1) I am horribly out of shape and 2) I'm an idiot for even thinking I could do that without repercussions.

Did I learn nothing from my own mother, who at about my age was convinced that she could do a somersault with me and ended up throwing out her back?

So there you have it friends. You are officially old the first time you think you can do something physical the same way your children can. And then actually try it.

And I Spoke Too Soon...

Just when I thought our week couldn't get worse, it did. And I'm having a really hard time finding the silver lining anymore! Thursday, Nacho emailed me to tell me he was feeling horrible, so I nagged urged him to make a doctors appointment since it seemed he was getting worse instead of better. He came and got the two youngest ones from me on his way home from work, since Samantha & I had something to do at her school and told me he had a 7:30pm appointment. I didn't even know they had regular appointments at that time of night, but that would have been useful to know earlier in the week. Anyway, when I got home he was complaining that his eye hurt, so I turned on the light and his eye was pink. He has pink eye! How did that happen? He is religious about his hand washing and he can't blame the kids. He went the doctors and was also diagnosed with an ear infection and a sinus infection. By the time he got home the pink eye had spread to the other eye.

The next morning, I left the baby home with Nacho, who had to call in sick, while I took the girls to school. When I got home the baby was awake....and his eyes were crusty, wet and swollen, but not pink. After a not so quick phone call to the advice line I was told to bring him in later that morning to be checked. And yes, he does have pink eye as well. Nacho and Jack were together for a total of 15 minutes on Thursday and they managed to share the germs. I also found out that while the ear infection that I knew about on Tuesday had cleared up, his other ear now had a horrible one that would require antibiotics.

So for anybody counting, that is 4 doctor visits in 5 days for us. Seriously, I think the pediatricians office is beginning to wonder about me. Because normally we are the family that only comes in for routine well checks and nothing more. And they saw me 3x this past week. I'm glad I went because it was needed, but I've seen enough doctors for awhile. And the way Jack is reacting to having t take the medicine we keep giving him, I'm guessing he has too.

Thank God this weekend has started out as a great one because I'm not sure how much more I can take. It's taking all I have to make sure the girls & I don't get this...and I'll be amazed if I'm successful in that. Knocking on lots & lots of wood right now......

Finding the Silver Lining

This week has turned out to be one of craptastic proportions. But I'm trying to change "my glass half empty" approach to things, which admittedly took a lot of work this week, and find the silver lining.

Sunday, Valentine's Day, started off pretty good. We went over to my mom's where Nacho made brunch for all of us. It was great. Until Samantha started complaining that her ear hurt. I knew immidiately it was an ear infection, even though she's only had two before this. I have also learned from those two prior ones and subsequent doctors trips, that she doesn't start complaining until her ear drum is bright red and the verge of bursting. This should be no big deal - we take her home, give her some Motrin and let her rest or take her to the doctor - except we have plans later in the day with other people, with (not so cheap) tickets already bought. Before you get all judgy-mcjudugerson on me, I would have no hesitation in canceling any plans if my children were sick. She however burst into tears at the idea of missing any of this. So we dosed her up with Motrin and off we went.

But you know what? We had a blast. We spent the afternoon at Safari West, which is simply amazing. We had the best tour guide ever and got closer to animals than I thought we ever could. There were laughs and giggles and squeals and lots of hugs & thank you's. And my little sickie.....well, she overcame one of her fears and rode on top of the jeep.

(Samantha riding on the top of the Jeep)

(Jack with our awesome tour guide Leslie)

But now it was Monday, and my sickie was still sick. So I made her a doctors appointment, on a 70 degree day, that she had off. I paid a ridiculous copay to see a doctor who confirmed that yes, she did have an ear infection and no, they weren't giving us anything for it, to just keep treating it the way we were. So basically I paid to have somebody tell me something I already knew.

But you know what....we're lucky we even have insurance. And she was able to check her lungs, throat, etc to make sure it was anything more, which was a relief because with everything going around, I was worried. And although it's not how I would have chosen to spend it, I will take one on one time with my oldest any day.

By Tuesday, Samantha was feeling better and off to school. Lexi had ballet, so off the rest of us went. With about 10 minutes left in her class, Jack trips and hits his head on the metal arm of a chair. He cries for a second, I pick him and he seems fine. Until he looks up and I see the huge gash above his eye that is dripping blood. Great. Get him cleaned up, get Lexi and we are on our way back to the doctors again. After waiting forever (which I actually expected since we didn't have an appointment), they tell me that yes, he is going to need some type of closure for it, but they don't do them there and I will have to take to him to ER, a half hour away. So now, I've got a semi-bleeding toddler & a preschooler with me and a Kindergartner who is an hour away from getting out of school. Called Nacho and told him he had to pick Samantha up while I took the other two. Luckily, they were able to see him fairly quickly in the ER, but that was another outrageous copay. They glued (Dermabond) him back up, gave him some stickers and we were finally on our way home.

But you know what? He is fine! He is as happy as he always is. He's leaving it alone and he didn't need stitches! And I didn't panic in the midst of this mini-crisis. Except for needing help with the logistics of picking up one of our children, I did it! I also learned that the group of girls Lexi dances with have amazing mothers. The minute they saw he was bleeding one handed me wipe to clean him up, one ran upstairs to get Lexi out of class for me, one got her shoes on and our bags packed and helped me get everything to the car. In a situation where I may be felt slightly overwhelmed, they stepped up and gave me focus. And if there is a scar.....it adds character!

(He doesn't look to worse for wear)

So yesterday, Wednesday, I was really hoping for a calm day. And it started that way. The girls both had school and Jack napped most of the morning (probably from missing his naps the day before), so I was able to get a few things done. After we got home from getting Lexi, I walked over to this desk thing we have to get a pencil. And my foot got caught in the cord of our netbook and pulled it crashing to the floor. When I finally got it turned back on, the screen was cracked. Not in literal pieces, but the LCD or whatever it looks like a window that what hit by a rock. Besides the cost to buy a new screen (which Nacho believes we can do) in an already expensive week, I'm angry at myself for being so careless. And I'm admittely lost without my ability to sit downstairs on the couch and surf the web.

But you know what? Last night I was fully engaged in my family and it was a refreshing feeling. Instead of reading blogs and playing endless games of Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook, I did this:

And that is the best silver lining there is.

Don't Drink The Water

Oh.My.God! So many people I know are pregnant. I guess it makes sense given that we are all still in our child bearing years, but still, it's a lot. Heck, even the bloggy moms I read are getting knocked up right and left! I wonder how many more will discover they're pregnant in the next month or so, you know, given the huge snowstorm of 2010! Congratulations to you all.

So, be really careful of that water ;) Or maybe you should drink it!

So Tired

I am so tired right now and yet here I am. Last night I stayed up way too late watching the Olympics. I should have DVRd it and gone to bed, but I hate nothing more than learning the results the next morning when I haven't seen it yet. And I wanted to watch the pairs skating! Although I always root for Team USA, I have to admit I was secretly rooting for Shen & Zhao to win gold. Their story is amazing - 18 years skating together, eventually falling in love and getting married, and then coming out of retirement to accomplish the one goal that has eluded them - Olympic Gold. In case you haven't seen it, I won't spoil it, but you'd have to be living in a hole if you don't yet know the results. Let's just say I'm happy!

But of course they would skate last, with the coverage ending at midnight. What is up with that? I get prime time coverage, but really? Midnight? And why are we getting it on a tape delay? Last time I checked Vancouver was Pacific time.....just like California. So why are we always getting screwed with the tape delays? You know, it wouldn't bother me as much if it was actually 4 hours of full coverage, but I swear of those 4 hours, 3 of them are commercials. I have never seen so many commercials in my life. I do however really like the Visa commercials, especially the one with Dan Jansen....it makes me cry every time because I'm bad-ass like that.

So now I should be thinking of bed and I have to admit it sounds oh so good. But the Olympics are on tonight too and I don't want to miss them. Although I think I can safely bet on the fact that I won't make it until midnight tonight. My party like a rock star days are way behind me.

Spelling Bee

So I've told you how our 5 year old can read. And how the ability got me past the first round of qualifying for parent of the year. Well I really think we're in the running after she did it to Nacho over the weekend.

While we were out to lunch, Sam had to use the bathroom. I was busy dealing with the baby so Nacho took her (it's a small mom & pop type place with one single bathroom). Later when we get in the car, she tells me there was a bad word written in the bathroom. This is how the conversation went from there.

Nacho: I thought she had forgotten it.
Sam: Nope. It said F-U
Me: Stop! I don't want you spelling it
Sam: Why?
Me: Because it's a bad word
Sam: I'm not saying it, I'm spelling it
Me: Yes, but spelling it is just as bad
Sam: Fine. But what does F-U-C
Me: I SAID STOP!
Sam: What does it mean?
Me: I'm not telling you. You don't need to know. And don't go asking people at school either. You can get kicked out of school for spelling or saying words like that.
Sam: You can?
Me: Yes, yes you can. And now we're done talking about it.

On the bright side, she has a whole repertoire for the school spelling bee. Where they will surely have the parent of the year trophy all polished for Nacho & me.

The Evolution of a Blog

I apologize in advance because I already know this post isn't going to make a whole lot of sense. I've got so many different thoughts going on in my head that are all related to this topic, although most likely do not relate to each other at all.

When I started this blog, it was right after we found out were were expecting baby #3 and it's purpose was to keep family & friends updated on the goings-on in our lives. Sure it was a place for me rant, but it was mostly to brag on my kids. And I love it that way. But there are times that I want to rant and rave and talk about more in-depth things. But I can't because people I know read this (or at least I think they do) and because I see them on a regular basis, I really can't gossip or complain about them or disclose too much of our personal business. Well, I guess I could, but it would make the next get together very uncomfortable for all us. Like right now, I am so incredibly irritated with someone that I would love to blog about it. While I'd love for everybody to tell me how right I am to be irritated, I'd also love the opportunity for people to tell me where maybe I wrong (because I have been wrong lots of times once or twice.) But even describing the situation in the broadest terms would give away who I'm talking about.

And so where do I go from here? Do I up and change the tone of this blog and hope for the best? Keep it as is and keep emailing my go-to friend with every vent I have? Start another blog not linked to this one, which doesn't use our real names for all the "stuff" I want to share, but don't feel I can here? I honestly don't know. I don't think I want to change this blog because I am happy with it. I didn't start it with the idea of making money off of it....but wouldn't that be nice if I did? I heard Dooce makes $40,000 a month. A MONTH! But she disclosed some very intimate parts of her life to make it that successful, something I'm not sure I'm ready to do. And for the record, she didn't disclose that stuff to make money, making money came because she had disclosed it.

One of my problems right now is I don't feel I can be as funny as I'd like. Or maybe it's just as funny as I think I am because right now I don't feel like my blog is funny. I want it to be funny! And while kids are just naturally funny, I feel like I need to blog about other things. I read some really funny blogs and I want to be just like them when I grow up. If you want to know what I'm talking about, check out some of these hilarious women.....Shauna, BooMama, Brittany, Sue, Michel, Melanie, and the really great collaborative effort at Aiming Low. Please know if I didn't list your blog, it's not because I don't think you're funny. I do! I've got a list of all the blogs I love down the left hand side -check them all out.

So I'm not any closer to a solution than I was when I started writing this post. If I know me, it will remain just this blog because I'm too lazy to start another one and it would be too easy to trace back to me even if I did. I'll just have to try to figure out a way to add more of the other stuff I want to talk about and hope I can do it in way as to not offend those people near and dear to me. Much anyway.

Friday Randomness

I unfortunately don't have a lot of time today, so a bullet style post it is. Sorry to those who don't like this style!

• A friend of ours is on Iron Chef America this weekend! Totally cool.
• I'd really like to thank the asshole who let their dog crap all up & down the sidewalk at school where we drop our kids off. Luckily my kids were spared, but looking how smushed some of the piles were, I'm betting some kids were not. I wish I knew who they were because I would so go empty the diaper genie on their driveway.
• Speaking of the school - to the lady who thinks arriving right at pick up and parking on the sidewalk, in a red zone, is a good idea. IT'S NOT. And yes, when we turn around, we are all talking about you. Get there early enough to get the parking spot you want or walk your lazy ass down where the kids are. Oh and I really don't appreciate you coming thisclose to hitting my child with your car, not once, but twice.
  
• I am so excited for Super Bowl this weekend. Not because I really care who's playing but because it is such a good excuse for eating all the snacks/appetizers I love and drinking lots of wine. That and we've got some friends coming over. What's even better than that? Going to Costco the Saturday before the big game and eating all those samples, which somebody else cooked and will have do clean up on. Is it me or do they always test better there?
• Did anybody else watch Private Practice last night? I love that show, even more than Grey's. How odd to like the spin-off more. Anyway, last night's episode was about a parents that specifically got pregnant with a new baby in order to use the cord blood to cure their twin 8 year old daughters. The baby was born and the parents weren't interested in him at all, only in healing the daughters; and then refused to see him when they found out there was only enough cord blood to save one of the girls. They had to decide which one to let live and which one to let die. I'm not even going to get into my feelings about their decision to have a baby specifically for this purpose because not only do I not have time, you don't have that kind of time, but I could not imagine having to be put in the position of having to chose one of your children over another. But the alternative - that they all die, isn't an option I could live with either. For those who haven't seen the show yet, I won't say what they did.....but my heart broke for a bunch of fictional characters last night. And for all the parents who are actually put in this position.
  
• How is it I could remember the whole list of things I wanted to talk about this morning and now my mind is blank? I know, I've got 3 children and it's Friday, but I refuse to believe my brain is complete mush.
• After sitting here for 15 minutes trying to remember, I give up. So I'll end with that I really like to italicize. I feel like I'm getting my feelings across better. I just wish Facebook had that feature.
  

Customer Service or Lack There Of

So I've complained about our Dish Network customer service issues in the past. About how our DVR would freeze up and would occasionally erase all the shows we had recorded. About that time it did it the night we got home from a 10-day vacation. Time after time we called customer service and they gave us the most technical advice I've ever gotten (insert sarcasm) - "unplug it and then plug it back in." I was thrilled to read this happened to another blogger, Big Mama. Well not for her. For her it sucks. But it means we're not the idiots that Dish customer service people made us out to be. Long story short, after two years and getting new receivers that did the same thing, we eventually left Dish in favor of another company.

In the past week, I've gotten two phone calls from Dish Network wanting to know why we've left them. The first call was fine. It's the second one that reminded me why I hate their customer service department so much.

Dish: Hi this is (didn't even listen to his name) from Dish Network. We'd like to know why you decided to terminate your service with us.

(did you not read they 10,000 notes of all the calls we made complaining about the same.damn.thing?)

Me: Because our DVR kept erasing our shows and you were no longer wiling to help us

Dish: You mean we wouldn't help you learn to program your DVR to record?

(do they really think we're that stupid?)

Me: No, I know how to do that. It was erasing the shows we already had recorded.

Dish: It was erasing your shows? Wow, that's terrible.

Me: Yes, it was. And after sending us receiver after receiver, you were unwilling to help us unless we upgraded our package, which we weren't willing to do. So we left.

Dish: Yeah, that really sucks about your shows

*click*

Umm, did he just hang up on me? Guess so. And I'm guessing it's because they had no defense to that. At least the first lady who called apologized for it all.